Who Are Your True Friends?

I saw this quote on Pinterest and it got me thinking about a recent exchange that I had with someone I considered a true friend. I haven’t known her too long– just a couple years – and yet there was something about her that made us just ‘click.’ For a while we managed to spend a fair amount of time hanging out in spite of the many responsibilities we both had in our respective lives. Then life got busier for both of us- and I realized that I wanted to downsize my life and focus my priorities on just a few things – essentially I stripped my schedule to barebones to open up time for the spiritual and professional exploration that came along with my 40th birthday this February. (Midlife crisis?)

Anyway something happened and she felt slighted and unimportant. She left me a voice message to tell me this. I spent three days agonizing over this- partly indignant (Doesn’t she know how busy this mom of two, professional entrepreneur, wife, daughter, sister is?), partly confused (my longest and closest friends are those I haven’t spoken to in over a year and yet when we talk we can pick up where we left off as if we talk daily- doesn’t she understand true friendship doesn’t have physical boundaries?), and partly resigned (if she can’t accept what I can offer then this relationship has run it’s course).

So in turn I wrote a lengthy email- explaining pretty much what I just said here – and ended with wishing her nothing but the best and all my love and good wishes. I thought to talk to her personally but I always do better with letters and always resorted to pen and paper (before email) for the weighty conversations where I want to think before I speak so I don’t put my foot in my mouth.

Even though I wrote that email with the best intentions- it didn’t sit well with me – reality is that I take my friendships seriously – even if I don’t show up physically for them and I guess she had come to mean more than I realized.

I reached out to her – she responded that she too still cared. I said I’d like to talk in person and she concurred. Her schedule and mine prevented us from doing it immediately. I left a message for her to call me to schedule something — I’m still waiting…

This got me thinking a lot about friendships and relationships in general – I realized again that my closest friends I have known since grade and high school in India. Months and even years can go by and we might not talk– we may even forget each others’ birthdays but somehow – just somehow that doesn’t seem to matter. What matters is that our hearts are connected and when I think of these friends or when we do talk- the familiarity, comfort and connection is as powerful and strong as though we are in touch daily.

True friendship is truly not measured in the physical time you spend together- rather in the bond that your hearts form that link you beyond just word and action. It’s hard to pin down, but I think you know what I mean…Don’t you?

How do you measure true friendship?