The Stars called, they said they’re waiting for me!

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I have vivid memories of sailing on the big container ships with my Master Mariner father. I have memories that go back to me as a 6 year old…my daughter’s age right now. One of my clearest memories are of standing on the monkey island of the ship looking down into the dark ocean below, mesmerized as I watched the ship cut through the ocean wake. I loved looking up at the stars. They’ve never been as bright and clear as they were those days at sea, surrounded by miles of dark black ocean and barely enough lights to be recognized as a ship sailing through the night sea. My dad taught me about Orion’s Belt, Sirius, The Big Dipper and a few other popular constellations. After all he had trained how to sail ships by navigating the stars; no GPS existed during those days. Those were some of the happiest times in my life. I loved staring at the beautiful constellations and for years and years later, long after I no longer sailed as much, because friends became more important than family (hello, I was a teenager!), whenever my dad was away, I just had to look up at the night sky, pick out Orion’s Belt and immediately feel connected to him. The stars always called me and brought me closer to him.

This morning I went for a run. I literally bounded out of bed at 5:30 am with more energy than I have had in months. The sky was jet black as I left my house, and as I rounded out of my street onto the next one on my route, I looked up at the early morning sky and was instantly transported back to my ‘ship days.’ The stars were crystal clear, beckoning me as they did in years past. This time, it wasn’t to connect me to my dad, who now lives less than 10 minutes from me; no, this time it was to validate the biggest decision of my recent life.

On one of those nights out at sea, I remember setting these three seemingly far off goals in a very vague ‘when I grow up I want to marry Jon Bon Jovi sort of way:’

  1. Married by 30 (got married the year I turned 30)
  2. First baby by 35 (had my girl at 34)
  3. Retired from working for someone else by 40 (40 this year)

I am thrilled to share with you that as of 11/1/13 that goal will become a reality! I am finally walking away from being employed to fulfill someone else’s dreams so that I can work at fulfilling my own dreams.

I have had some INCREDIBLE people in my life lately. People who have helped me come to this decision; who have stood by me with countless conversations and what if scenarios – Thank you Marilyn, Ken, Shannah, Robin, Donna, Mo and most important of all my incredibly supportive husband Jason.

These next few months promise to be exhilarating, terrifying and exciting beyond measure! I am more than up for the challenge.

Today’s star-studded morning sky beckoned me. There is a star out there with my name on it! It’s calling me to reach out and grab it.

I’m on my way. Will you join me?

September 24: Daily reflections of Highly Effective People

it’s not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to is that hurts us. Of course things can hurt us physically or economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all. In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop the internal powers, the freedom to handle difficult circumstances in the future and to inspire others to do so as well. – Stephen R. Covey

I am on vacation, but am sort of working because well that’s just that nature of me! I can’t turn off totally. And I don’t want to– I don’t believe in separation of work and personal life– if you love what you do, you’re not working anyway! And I teach people to integrate their work into the nooks and crannies of their day all the time- so why would vacation be any different.

Yesterday, however I let something get to me….in a way that usually things don’t get to me anymore. And you know what happens when you let something get under your skin– even if you’re the root cause of that difficult situation…it gets under your skin and festers. It plays havoc with your mind– you can’t sleep, you are crabby with those around you that you’ve no right to take it out on, and you can’t be in the moment anymore because every moment is taken over by your thoughts around the situation that is not resolved. Things become a mountain when they’re just a molehill. It’s what I tell my 6yo all the time– the more you focus energy on your booboo– the bigger it will get and the more it will hurt. Easy to preach– harder to practice. Anyway, I got the opportunity to right the wrong that caused the issue- and my mind reset…but then when I opened the page to this book that I’m reading to today’s date and the quote above is the quote I got to read. It couldn’t have been more appropriate for me today. Yes, I always am amazed at the infinite wisdom and ability of the Universe to tell you exactly what you need to hear, when you need to hear it.

Thank you Universe (and Stephen Covey!)

Warm Desert Winds, A Full Moon and Orion’s Belt

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My family and I are in Palm Desert. We arrived this afternoon – welcomed by 100 degree heat (surprisingly not as unbearable as you would think– but then we didn’t linger in the sun).

After putting the kids to bed, I started to have a real coughing attack– I think the strong air conditioning was causing that. I’ve been sick for a bit — low immunity because I’m not doing good self-care lately (but that’s a post for a different day!). My husband recommended I sit out on the balcony to get out of the AC. It’s overlooking the golf course– off to the right in the light of a gorgeous full moon I can see a glistening little pond. The desert wind is strong right now, but with 85 degree weather, the ‘breeze’ is lovely. All I can hear is the loud rustling of the tall trees around me. I see Orion’s Belt . My sailor dad taught me a few constellations when I was little and whenever I see them in the night sky, till this day- I can visualize myself on one of his ships. I can see the ship’s white wake, cutting through the dark black sea. The night sky would often be awash with the brilliance of countless stars as no city lights were around to dilute their celestial dazzle. I can still see him in his Captain’s Stripes regally In Command on the Bridge and elsewhere on board. And even though I’m glad he retired this year after nearly 50 years at sea, I do miss those days. But I digress. For the moment I’m sitting on a very comfortable chair– the mist of sprinklers from the level below reaching me because of the strong winds nearly making me …dare I say it….cold!

There’s not another single human around. I can hear crickets, sprinklers, rustling trees and gushing wind. And I realize…it has been way way way too long since I sat in nature; since I allowed myself to be soothed by the lullaby tunes of Mother Nature. So as surprising as it is to experience this in a resort surrounded by villas, pools & people, these few moments right now, when I feel like I’m the only person in the world are going to restore my depleted soul, fill my cup and prepare me for the craziest, most hectic, insanely busy, but outstandingly productive final quarter of 2013.

You may not see me much from October to December, but I will be back with a bang in 2014. However– I’m here, present now and haven’t for a long time, felt more in the moment than I’m feeling right now.

I plan to fill my cup and all my backup reserves this week. I’m going to need it as I gear up for a wild ride for Q4 2013. It’s all extraordinarily exciting and I promise to share details as they come unveiled!

Hark! I hear a voice…it’s my husband. Ah—no, I’m not the only person on the planet. But for this past half hour or so, it felt good to feel like I was.

I Will Never Forget

I arrived New York on August 25, 1994. I was 21 and had dreamed of living in the US since age 12. My parents set me up with college tuition for a year and three months rent and then I was on my own! I had never worked, never knew what it was to pay my own bills, balance a check book or even buy groceries. I’d lived a loved and sheltered life in Bombay, India. I spread my education out over three years of part-time classes and took on full-time jobs to get by. I worked as a barista before Starbucks was born and as a waitress at the diner across the street from school to eat for free. It took me three years to upgrade my B.Sc. in Economics when it should have taken one. I would take the 1am train home from Grand Central station most days– after a long day of work as a waitress in a fine dining restaurant in midtown Manhattan.

Then in 1997, at the age of 24 my accounting professor connected me to his friend who was a VP and looking to hire college grads for Morgan Stanley Dean Witter. My interview was the first time I stepped foot into the World Trade Center and for the next two years the 63rd floor of Tower 2 where I needed to take two elevators to get to work (I always said my commute was two trains and two elevators long) was my professional home. Those are two years of my life etched in my mind forever. Those buildings were magical to me. They had a pulse, a heartbeat and a soul. I cried when I quit– yes because I missed my friends, but because I’d miss walking into this building daily.

I moved to California to get an MBA at Pepperdine University, but couldn’t stay away. I’d go ‘home’ to the World Trade Center and pay homage to ‘my building’ a few times a year for those two years.

In 2001 I met a man who would become my husband and we went to Hawaii to spend two months together. On 9/11/01 my friend Minda called me at the unGodly hour of 5am hysterically babbling about the Towers falling. Having been jarred out of island slumber I couldn’t make any sense of her words– she said

Go turn on the TV

and my world fell apart. At first I couldn’t understand what I was seeing. The apartment had a 14″ TV and not a great cable connection– I thought we were watching a badly made B grade movie. I kept changing channels to see what she wanted me to see– every channel just showed the same thing…a plane flying into Tower 2– my building! When reality set in- I think I screamed. Jason came running to check on me– all I could do was stare in shock and disbelief. I cried for what seemed like hours. Numb with shock, we decided that instead of sitting in front of TV watching the Towers fall over and over again- we would continue with our day as planned. As it turns out- it was the day we would be doing our final dive to be Padi-certified divers. We went out– everyone else had canceled. Our 18 year old dive instructor with 500+ dives to his credit took us out and after validating our skills showed us Kauai’s marine life- manta rays, sea turtles, and incredibly colored fish. This was definitely the best and worst day of my life. I remember praying underwater, feeling so connected to Nature…my anxiety melted away, if only just briefly.

I’ve only been back to NYC once since my building fell. I couldn’t bring myself to see the hole in the ground where she once stood. Freedom Tower wasn’t built yet. I haven’t been back. I don’t want to go. Freedom Tower isn’t The World Trade Center. My last memory of WTC is one of me lying on the ground with a camera pointing upward to capture both buildings in my photo. I’m staying with that!

In my office I have a picture of the New York skyline- the one which has the World Trade Center in it. It’s above my door and from my office it’s in my direct line of sight every moment that I’m in my office everyday, 8 hours a day.

I WILL NEVER FORGET.

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The rainbow connection

I’m on a journey to find my pot of gold at the end of my rainbow- it’s been fraught with torrential showers and occasional peeks of sunshine- but yes- for the very first time I’ve been able to wrap my mind around a very seemingly impossible goal that is now shouting out to me- ‘Impossible’ simply means I’m possible!

davecenker

G81-182213After a day crammed with taxing situations funneling through my queue, the most effective therapy involves picking up my guitar, strumming a few chords, and letting the lyrics flow from deep inside. I am magically transported to a different world where all tension and stress melt away. In these moments, a feeling of quiet serenity washes over me and life is good.

Sitting on the floor in our bedroom, back against the bed, guitar perched on my thigh, I look up to see my wife walking into the room. With a smile on her face she asks, “Do you take requests?” After issuing my standard disclaimer that any played song may not resemble the said requested song, she asks me to play The Rainbow Connection. The whosit whatsit?

I sheepishly admit that up until this very moment in my life, I had never really heard the song made famous…

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Hug Therapy

A hug is like a boomerang, you get it back right away. – Bill Keane

So anyone with kids knows that the smaller they are the bigger tantrums they can throw! I’ve been blessed with fairly good kids for the most part but they can certainly hold their own in the tantrum department when they need to.

My 6yo has been at Y camp most of the summer- including multiple weeks of Splash camp with a lot of time spent in the sun. The energy of swimming most of the day combined with hot sun on many days made her pretty tired and well…cranky! The perfect storm of ingredients for a super storm tantrum! Sure enough toward the end of that first week of Splash camp – I pick her up and instead of her usually daily sunny disposition she’s whiny and complaining about everything! Uh oh!

We get home and she’s still whiny. She knows that whiny doesn’t live in our house so I ask her to take it upstairs to her ‘special place’ (a corner in her room full of plush toys where she goes to snuggle, read or just have quiet time) she says No! Uh oh– saying No to mommy doesn’t fly in our home much either. It’s been one of those nights with my 2yo up multiple times so I’m not at my best either…I move away to the other room to breathe and regroup before talking to her again– all while my 2yo is on a constant litany of ‘up mommy, up mommy, up mommy, up mommy…’ (If you want to learn persistence hang out with a toddler! They are like a dog with a bone who just won’t let go!)

6yo comes in to my quiet space and is whiny– once more I ask her not to be– and she won’t quit. I insist she go upstairs and again NO! And now she’s beginning to melt down– I’m trying to gently take her upstairs and its not happening! Finally with the intention of carrying her I pick up her fighting body in a bear hug and the more she struggles the tighter I hug her until finally she melts into my arms sobbing. We have a very specific way that she likes to be calmed down- my hand on her heart and we breathe deeply together – at least 3-5 times. Within moments I realized we had diffused a potentially long tantrum and it worked wonders for my tired mind as well.

So the next time your toddler, youngster or even partner is ‘throwing a tantrum’ surprise them by hugging them instead of fighting back and just imagine how quickly that situation will diffuse. Oftentimes it’s the grudge we carry that makes things worse than it is– or our ego gets in the way of us being the bigger person…however if your actions are ‘for the greater good’ then you know very well that all that’s called for is a hug!

Sending all of you a big {{{{{HUG}}}}}

Trusting the Hand you Hold

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Who’s hand do you hold? And who holds yours? I’m so grateful for my soulmate and life partner – I trust him implicitly and know that in every situation- whether it’s hurtling down a mountain on a tandem at 30mph or life decisions- he has my back- he will never let my hand go! I hope he feels the same about me!

My journey continues: 30 days to fit

Today marks the end of my 30 day fit program but also the beginning of the new Deepak Chopra and Oprah 21 day meditation challenge called Miraculous Relationships. I encourage you to consider it- it’s free, an email link daily in your inbox will provide you the reminder for this 10min meditation with excellent insight and guidance. Hundreds of thousands of people are joining this online meditation movement to raise their consciousness – it’s worth checking out!

It takes 21 days to begin the makings of a habit – hence the Chopra Center 21 day challenge- however it takes more than 21 or 30 days to set the habit in stone! Whether its meditation or healthy living (for me meditating is a big part of healthy living) it will take time to set the habit! Which means that just because 30 days are up for me, that doesn’t mean I get to go back to eating badly or without consciousness. As you know I did this program in March for the first time and lost 8lb of the final baby weight! Thereafter the freedom from restriction, graduation parties, and july 4th BBQs got the better of me– I started this again because I didn’t like how I ‘went back to the way I’ve always thought/eaten’ I wanted to break that habit of ‘constantly allowing myself excess.’ See what I discovered is this– what we think is normal is most often excess and what we think is moderation is most often normal! Our meter to identify ‘normal’ is broken and this is what needs a reset! While the first 30 days had set me on that path– I needed it reinforced so that I would look at this program as a quick fix to excessive and indulgent eating. My goal for myself had always been to reset. So this second 30 day round was about reinforcing good attitudes forward food that had started to peek through that first 30 round! And that is indeed what I started to se happen! And interestingly as most of you who followed my 15 days might have found- that i didn’t stick too diligently to the program — see day 1 to see what the restrictions were! But the mindset was definitely developing. Because what I would have ordinarily considered minor slip ups – this time I identified as major ones (like eating 3 pieces of BBQ chx pizza)– and knowing and identifying is half the battle– so next week when my family wanted to go back to the same pizza place- I had a bigger salad, and just 1 thin slice of pizza! YEAH!

I went to a really great hotel to do a site visit last week- The Luxe at Bel Air where my friend is the General Manager and she invited me to lunch – and usually I LOVE ordering burgers at a fancy restaurant – because they normally really good quality beef and are excellently cooked! I allow myself fries as a mechanism to eat Tabasco-spiked ketchup by the mouthful! — so imagine my delight when my eyes wandered intentionally and purposefully to the Superfood Quinoa Ahi Tuna Salad! And yes it was actually quite divine! What a tremendous sense of accomplishment I had! I chose to eat that– I didn’t guilt myself to eat that.

And this has continued to be my experience these past two weeks. I haven’t blogged mainly because of sleep deprivation! Yes my toddler is still waking at odd hours of the night/morning…and self preservation– something had to give – to allow myself some balance- and besides I wanted to blog because I want to- not because I felt obliged to! But back to the nutrition- what I mean when I say moderation is usually normal and normal is usually excess is that our idea of moderation tends to be a huge salad doused with dressing- but because it’s salad we think it’s ok! There are salads you can get at a restaurant that have more calories than a burger cooked at home! And this is what you have to watch for!

I’ve found a way to strengthen a habit that I want for a lifetime! I want to make sure that my eye always goes to the healthiest option on a restaurant menu- and that I don’t look at the unhealthiest one and feel deprived! I want to make sure that I love and enjoy drinking water or Pellegrino with a meal instead of soda or iced tea (caffeine) or lemonade (sugar) which seems to be the drink of choice for lunch!

It had been an amazing journey of discovery, strength and will power. Most of all it has allowed me to shift my mindset and set myself on the course to a lifetime of healthy choices and for this I am eternally grateful to Arbonne for being my partner in Heath! From well made vegan skincare and cosmetics that have minimal preservatives, no animal by-products and no animal testing. To delicious tasting soy, dairy, gluten, lactose free protein powders and other nutritionals I’m grateful to have found a company that supports my desire to put only the healthiest and best quality ingredients in my body at a price that doesn’t break the bank!

Day 16: 30 days to fit- chicken two ways

I feel a recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation.
Madam Benoit

I didn’t post yesterday because my 2yo wouldn’t sleep till 11pm! He then decided to wake up at 4:15am – back to bed in 15 min thankfully but then 5:30am he’s opening his bedroom door again. Ugh! I’m exhausted and groggy so I grab my blanket and go lay down on the floor of his room- so as not to get him too used to being in bed with me (and we have a strict no kids in our bed policy!). He’s asleep and now it’s 7am and it’s time to wake – but I just don’t want to!! I’m wiped out and the day has barely begun! My back and neck are sore from sleeping on the floor.

Thank goodness for my pick me up Arbonne protein smoothie breakfast complete with Almond/Coconut blended milk, almond butter, celery, spinach, green beans, strawberries, blueberries, lime and ginger. Extra strong decaf coffee (ha) rounds out my breakfast with my usual assortment of vitamins!

Lunch is Indian chicken and lentils (thanks ma!)

Two Arbonne mango chews and a chocolate nutrition bar helped tide me over till dinner which was chicken teriyaki including a teriyaki sauce made from scratch! I got the recipe from Mark Bittman’s cooking app and improved upon it!

Here’s the recipe:
1 1/2lb skinless chicken (I used drumsticks but feel free to use whatever!)

1/3 cup each of mirin, water, soy sauce, 1T sugar, 1T black bean paste.

If you can marinate the chicken in the sauce overnight awesome- if not – don’t worry.

-heat 2T olive oil in cast iron skillet on med-high heat
-add chicken and cook both sides till slightly brown – couple minutes per side
-add all the marinade, lower heat to medium, cover and cook till chicken is done (175F on instant read thermometer) turn chicken every few minutes to get an even browning.
-once chicken reaches 175F remove lid and let the sauce thicken a bit – just a few minutes longer. Serve over basmati white rice! YUM! My kids and hubby each devoured two legs – leaving me with just one! Such a great feeling!

Ok so not only did I cook this but while this was cooking I also made Indian spinach chicken to be had for lunch tomorrow. I’d marinated the chicken in ginger garlic paste the night before.

– 1 pressure cooker
-1 diced onion
-1 diced tomato
– 1/2 diced jalapeño
– 1 t cumin seeds
-2 t coriander powder
-1 t cumin powder
-1 t turmeric powder
-1 t salt
1 t ground garam masala (or whole – 4-5 cloves, 4-5 cardamom, 1 small stick cinnamon, 3-4 black peppercorn)
– chopped cilantro leaves for garnish

Heat oil in pressure cooker, add cumin seeds – they should sputter
Sauté onions till dark golden brown
Add tomatoes and all spices
Add little water at a time to make a nice paste – let the tomatoes breakdown till they’re not lumpy.

Add chicken stir to coat gently add about a cup of water and cook under pressure for 5 minutes. Release pressure, open lid, lower flame to simmer and let the gravy thicken and flavors meld together. About 15 min. Toward the very end, add spinach and let it cook till fully blended into curry…3-4min. Garnish with cilantro- serve hot over basmati rice!

It’s 9:50pm– my 2 yo is fighting sleep re-training! I’m standing outside his door- hand on the knob so he can’t turn and open it. I’ve a timer set that’s going up in minutes from 2 to 5 to 7 to 10…I go in at each interval, soothe him, put him down (he starts crying again) and leave. I’m at the 15 min interval and although he’s turned the big light on– all is quiet. I’m going to wait till 20min before going in to check on him.

Give me patience and strength!

Day 15: 30 days to fit! Down 4lb in 2 weeks

Today was step on the scale day! I have to admit I was a bit leery– after all these past few days have been not exactly as the program prescribes! I’ve had roti (gluten), cucumber raita (dairy), beer (alcohol), and even a small sliver of the delicious chocolate tart (sugar)– and believe me when I tell you– I usually HATE tarts! I don’t like the pudding texture– all gooey in my mouth– same reason I don’t like marshmallows!

Another 2lb down!! Down to 128lb! And I haven’t seen that number since my wedding 9 years ago so WOW I’m thrilled!

My son woke up at 4:45am– not as bad as 2:45am– but he wouldn’t go back to sleep– keeping a toddler quiet so the rest of the house can sleep for another hour or two was interesting to say the least! We did rather well.

Breakfast was my smoothie as usual, lunch was chicken with black eyed peas (yum btw– really turned out well!), dinner was left over salmon and 1/2 ear corn on cob! Snacks in the middle of the day were cherries, smoked almonds, a couple of Arbonne mango kiwi chews and a lot of water.

So here’s my observations for today- given that I’d not been diligent on the program for a couple days didn’t seem to matter too much– what was interesting to me was that I was very aware of my slips and also forgiving! I enjoyed everything I ate- didn’t guilt myself at all- not even for the beer! But I did do everything in moderation– way more moderation than I would usually consider moderation. Only a thin sliver of the pie- not a whole slice. Only a tablespoon of raita (cucumber yogurt) – not a whole bowl, only one roti- not 2 and no basmati rice!

My observation is that our idea of normal sizes has gotten so skewed because of everything being Grande/Venti/Supersized that our idea of moderation is what normal size should be– and so when I did real moderation– it truly was ‘smaller’ amounts and therefore didn’t derail me!

I did this program in March and went from 138lb to my pre baby weight of 130lb. Toward the end of June with all the graduation parties and July 3rd AND 4th BBQs I was up to 132lb the day I started this program. My drivers license says I’m 125lb– a weight I haven’t been since my wedding day 9 years ago (and that too because I ate every last bite of our scrumptious meal and cake- I only barely saw that number on the scale!).

Now the reason I’m sharing this is simply this: I feel empowered! I feel in control both emotionally, mentally and physically to do this program- one that assures me success as long as I follow it even within a modicum of diligence! I’ve made adaptations for my lifestyle! I love food too much to have so many restrictions on an ongoing basis! I want to control my food– not be controlled by it! I want to eat and drink to savor – to live- to celebrate and to love! I don’t eat to survive! I eat with all my senses– my eyes and nose even more strongly than my taste buds although those are in close third! And no way will I give up eating baguette and French Brie forever! My Belgian friends taught me a true appreciation for good Belgian ale, my husband and I developed a taste for excellent coffee and tequila together, he spoils me on BBQ that I consider world class– and apparently I can bake pretty damn well! My mother still cooks the best Indian meals on the planet! There is no way on God’s green earth that I will give up these flavors that I’ve developed memories around. I can still recall my mom’s hand feeding me my favorite ‘Dhansaak daal’ as I studied late into the night as a high schooler, I still remember where we were when Jason and I went on a tequila tasting expedition, I still have fond memories of my first few tastes of Abbey Leffe Blonde in Marseille surrounded by amazing friends, a platter of Belgian fries with mayo (not ketchup) straight out of the fryer at 3am! Baguette and Brie still reminds me of trips taken on the TGV throughout Europe 12 years ago. Nope– food isn’t just sustenance– food is memories- memories that I want to remember for a lifetime. How could I never eat those foods again?

So for me this program puts me in control- I continue to do it every now and then not because I want to disappear– honestly I’m happy with my weight and if I hadn’t lost a pound i would be fine. I’ve gotten past my identity being tied to a number on a scale way early in life. What I continue to do this for is to create habits- a lifestyle that will last forever. It takes us years of unhealthy eating to get to where we are when we are overweight and yet we expect to drop it in days/weeks/months! Nope– it will take just as long to establish a lifelong lifestyle – doing it for 30 days helps kick start it– then I fell off the wagon a few times– and knowing that I have something healthy to follow to get back to center and re-equilibriate is really awesome! It takes discipline that then flows into other areas of my life- it takes patience that I benefit from having as does my family – and it takes dedication and a never gonna quit attitude!

Finally– anyone can do anything for 30 days– and the power and control that this program gives you is liberating! You ought to try it– the only thing you have to lose is possibly inches and pounds and you have everything to gain– including energy!